woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
