I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
