Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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