dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
