I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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