I heard we made out
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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