there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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