she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
