I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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