She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize