I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A bitchslap is in order.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
