Kiss
Puke
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize