maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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