glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dignity is for republicans.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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