We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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