Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
well you can't waste a boner
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
