so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize