right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
