last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
