My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize