he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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