I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
