you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
