Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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