you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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