you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
