SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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