I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
