Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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