Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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