we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
