soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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