I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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