so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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