TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
