blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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