He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
