i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
