There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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