mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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