Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
