I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
