I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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