every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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