So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
