i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
