White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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