Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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