last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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