it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
