dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
