Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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