Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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