It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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