Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
