Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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