Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
