I met the friendliest cop last night
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
