the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
