My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
false alarm. still invincible.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
