Apparently you make a good broom.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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