Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
