I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
