Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize