I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
