I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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