Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
