I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
