the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
