If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
