Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
