I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
