Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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