and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
