At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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