at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
