my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
