just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
