Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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