I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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