yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
