I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
