Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
