ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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