Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
