he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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