she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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