i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
