I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
