Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
