I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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